tradition.Tradition.TRADITION

tradition.Tradition.TRADITION.

Most often, we, as Black Americans, try so hard to be different. Yet, we follow in the same footsteps as our ancestors but we get dressed to the 9s in our designer duds and try calling our attempts different in nature and intent.

We paint the faces of our underaged daughters, put them on the slave block in the skimpiest and tightest outfit and call it fashion. When someone lusts or make shrewd comments then we are offended and shocked. 

We put a ball in the hands of our boys, blow hot air to make them think they ARE the next James or Bryant.  So,when that dream does not come to fruition, a false sense reality will set in and life becomes all about survival. When the penal system stake claim to their freedom, we call in the prayer warriors and call on God for mercy.

 

tradition.Tradition.TRADITION. 

We cannot continue to paint pictures of the same situations and think we are a part of the solution.

We cannot wear blinders and pretend not to see that we are a part of the problem. 

We cannot have deliberate inconsistency and expect different results by not owning our flaws. 

Tupac was a wise man in his own right for he said, and I quote:

“when brothas make babies, and leave a young mother to be a pappy

And since we all came from a woman

Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman

I wonder why we take from our women

Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?

I think it’s time to kill for our women

Time to heal our women, be real to our women

And if we don’t we’ll have a race of babies 

That will hate the ladies, that make the babies.” 

Put it in a song and people will sing it word for word– but not take heed to the meaning. Put it in a book and they will ride the wave of the person quoting it.

 

tradition.Tradition.TRADITION

When we raise our children to follow toxic cultural traditions, we set them up for the same entrapment of generations past. We allow reality television to teach our girls how to be women and sports commentators attempt to teach our boys how to be men.

When we raise our children to conform to the ways of the world, they will spend the rest of their lives doing as the Romans when in Rome. Hardly will they ever transform into something or someone plausible because they have been aimlessly meandering through life.

When we raise our children to be pretentious then we have to rest in knowing that we did them a disservice and life will NEVER be as it seems because we are living a lie.

 

tradition.Tradition.TRADITION 

When our children are judged based upon the color of their skin or the meaning of their names, we become angry and appalled. Yet, we have taught the very same children to see color and not character.

When we stick to what tradition has taught us, we will always be stuck with what we get.

When we did as we were instructed - we were labeled slaves of this nation. 

When we did as we wanted – we were labeled rebels of the times. 

Why not break the tradition – and love – because in the end, LOVE CONQUERS ALL.

 

I am not saying to be ignorant to circumstances; however, I am suggesting doing something different. Educate people on how to treat you but that is only valid if you know how to treat yourself. This is not just people of one specific race but people in general.  Be open to doing something that removes animosity from the hearts of your fellow human being.

Color and class will always create a division amongst the masses. Racism is not exclusive to the white man –oriental man – black man – or native man. Racism and hate will ALWAYS be here because it has ALWAYS been here. The question is – how can you live a healthy, non-toxic and productive life with it hanging in the balance? US Accreditation originated from the standard set by of Ivy League schools, even if you go to a HBCU, who okayed the curriculum and funding? If you have recently bought a house in suburbia, to whose standard did you measure it against? If you have recently picked up a book or surfed the internet or even bought a phone, who fought for that very “right” to take things for granted in this country? Somebody of the opposing team had to see that discrimination was not fair and take a stand to change it. 

If you are looking for answers via a text book or through researching literature, you will always be at the mercy of historians. An innate connection should prompt you to do the right thing, even if it is not received or returned. When you know, what you know; then you know all that you know. If you read it, that means someone else had the ability to manipulate it. #thinkaboutit

 

#TP2L 

 

"A tribute to Red: a life well lived"

If I would have known the last time that I saw you would have been my last time seeing you; I never would have left your side. 

If I would known the last words I spake to you were the last words that you would hear from me, then I never would have stopped talking. 

If I would have known that our time would have been cut this short, I would have taken more trips - hugged your belly - made you smile - spent more nights and snapped more pictures.

If I would have known that 23 years ago I would love you like a dad, but 23 years later I would be saying goodbye; I would have been at your feet more and not taken one day for granted.

If I would have known that my heart would break in a million pieces when I got the phone call; I never would have answered my phone. 

Here's what I do know,  your legacy is our family brand. You were loved by many but adored by me. When I needed someone to talk to,  you were always  there. When I needed to hear the truth, you spoke it. When I needed to vent about your son, you listened and then miraculously the issue would be fixed. When I needed you, you were never too busy for lil ol' me. 

I would have hugged you tighter and kissed you more. I do not have one single regret because I know you lived a life well spent. Rest well - rest easy - and save me a spot! Until I see you again, know that your little firecracker loves and miss you, TREMENDOUSLY! ~jess 

How did I get here?

     I am sitting here in a fog; a young woman, which I took under my wing, unexpectedly lost her dad. She refers to me as an additional mother figure in her life, even though I am only 10 years older.

     How did I get here? I have struggled with my own identity, my own worthiness, and my own purpose. How did I become the source of her strength? Her go to? Her mentor? Her advisor? Why am I being charged with pouring into the life of an adult; when I am still trying to figure out how to raise my own child? 

     Her dad meant the world to her. In between her sobs, I feel as though my heart being ripped out. You see, she is an only child by her dad. This is closer to my heart and my fears because my daughter, too, is an only child. When I hear the hurt, pain and sorrow in her voice, it brings me to tears. Tears that fall so freely; sorrow that has caused me tears regarding my decision to have my tubes tied 12 years ago. Now my child may have to experience this same pain, alone.

     I often ask the question; why me? What is it about my family and I that allow people to be vulnerable with us? Why do people seek our counsel and opinion? Why are we individually and collectively, the lifeline of some many? We open our hearts and home to those in need. "Mi CASA Es su CASA" is a phrase that we live by. 

     During my conversation with my friend this morning (5.15.15), she said, "When I make it back to the city, I need to come home for a few days." Right then, I knew why. I am charged with shaping lives and providing a one of a kind place of solace. My family and I are more powerful together. The love that we have for each other overflows into the lives of those that we touch.

    Why is this situation blog worthy? I am so glad that question was in my spirit. It is blog worthy because it has changed how I value relationships. Culture has brainwashed us to expect accolades when we do our basic duties. When a child is born, he/she his born unto two parents; those parents are to care for that child, for a lifetime. One should not accept a pat on the back for doing what is expected of him or her. The pat comes in when things are done with excellence (i.e. academic brilliance, entrepreneurial brilliance, brilliant sportsmanship). Those are gifts that must first be recognized, cultivated, and demonstrated in life.

     I do not celebrate my husband because he is a good man. I celebrate him because he goes above the call of duty for his family; not just physically but spiritually, as well. He constantly raises the barre (touché) for his daughter’s spiritual and natural health. He is giving her a skillset that will make a huge difference if her life. A lot like our “adoptive” daughter’s father set her up. I have only known her for 8 months but she has taught me more about me.

     I am not striving to be a good wife, mom, woman, or friend. My everyday goal is to be an excellent asset to any path that I might cross. Everyone has the power to be anything they want to be. Choices of good and bad will shape the rivers, oceans, streams, and lakes in which we ultimately swim, float or drown. 

     I am challenging myself to be excellent in all areas. The passing of my friend’s dad taught me that if my life’s decisions looks like the outcome of another, chances are I have more in common with people that do not look like me; but they in turn think like me and I like them. 

     My strides towards excellent will eventually come natural to me. If the reflection in the mirror is not thriving, most likely the fruit of the spirit is just as lifeless. People will judge your reputation by what they see - show 'em ya good side. I am the change. I am the light. Together, we can be the platform to life.

JESS-TIFICATION

 Why, as humans, do we feel the need to justify our moral behavior to another immorally rational being? If we are to believe, wholeheartedly, in our actions and our behavior – to whom do we owe the explanation?

     For me, at one point in my life, I cared, a bit too much, about justifying me – to “them.” I felt as though many were owed an explanation about my decisions OR lack thereof; only because I wanted to belong. I wanted to fit in, simply put, I wanted to be liked - accepted. I, me, my soul, were the sacrificial offering to a sphere that was just as spiritually bankrupt. 

     My measurable happiness was pitted against temporal things – things justified and measured by an unjustly broken system. My feet were planted on a shaky foundation and I was starting to slip into a deep abyss, where “they” took my energy and left me lifeless and dry. I did not feel safe or secure. I was afraid of falling and becoming more like “them” and less like me, the person that I was created to be.

     The more I pretended not to care of what “they” thought, the more I felt the twisting in my tummy. Who was I kidding? I did care; I cared because I was so concerned with what “they” were saying: good, bad or indifferent. I had to justify that I really was a good person – that my relationships were air tight – that my marriage was good – that my home was happy – that my success was recognizable by Facebook photos, tags, check-ins, and likes – I had to be a good person because of my friend count. Slipping deeper and deeper…spiritually and emotionally tapped out, I was trying to find rational reasons as to why I felt so out of place. Why did people’s perception matter so much to me; when I never really mattered to them?

     I felt alone – cold – lost and afraid. “They” said, “ ’they’ love me,” but how could “they”, when “they” did not even know love? “They” said, “I could trust “them,” but is that really possible when I have heard everything “they” have ever said directly or indirectly. How do I set myself apart from the masses?

     My ah-ha moment came to me, just like an epiphany, in the ever so plain word: STOP! I got it! I stopped justifying my life AND my behavior and I begin to live – freely, without restriction. I stopped offering explanations. I had to get away; “they” had no idea of the justifications formulating in my head to vindicate myself to myself and even to "them." The weight was too much to bear  - the air was thick – the nights were restless. If only I could get to a place of quietness,  just to clear my head, simply to make sense of it all. First, in order to do that, I would have to /\/\/\/\/\/\_________________ pull the plug – on “them” and me too.

 

…To be continued…

 

 Be the change. Be the light. Be the platform to life. 

#knowwhoyoufollow #God #Jesus #ChristianWoman #God #blog #Kingdombusiness #TP2L #agendasetting #followyourspirit #heart #focus #love #BeExcellent #BeEncouraged #BeTransformed #BeYou #Yeshua  #YeWeh #blessings #blessed #girls #important #heart #followyourheart #FollowYourSpirit

 

When you have made peace with your past – but everyone else still lives there.

I can resonate with Jay when he says, “Can I live?”

I am amazed that the more I try to press forward the more the demons from my past surface – in all forms.

Remember when? – remember how? – oh my, she has changed – this – that – and the 3^rd but it is never to me – always about me.

Dag – can I live? 

I embrace the change that I have encountered. I respect the things that I have been through and the road that I am on but…     

People just cannot…better yet -  they will not let the past be the past.

Dag – please…just let me live.

I live and let live – I do not judge because I am busy trying to keep my focus.

I love people just as they are…but when it comes to me there must be conditions.

…in order to maintain a relationship – I must answer my phone. I must always be available. I must put me and mine to the side. I gotta do this – gotta do that in order to be considered a friend.

Please just let me live. 

My past is not squeaky clean – and if I could do things differently,  I would because now I know better; so I would make my life better.

Since life has no rewind button or do-overs – I, personally, chose to surrender my life…my past…my present…and my future to Someone that has the ability to make all things new, including me and even you.

Man – will always keep you bound to your past – or his past, as his mistakes, in his head, are unheard of because the scope in which his brain works cannot comprehend  an inward change.

Initially, I was very eager to please the people that I was connected to but then I realized…what I have to offer would never be good enough for them because what they have is not good enough for them.

So, I let them live. 

I have thoughts of being out of sight – out of mind but then I am quickly reminded that I cannot be about my Father’s business ducked off in the shadows.

In order to be somewhat appeasing to man, one must have the ability to jump through the ever-moving rings of fire – tuh, if you ask me, that is no way to live.

So on my journey, I will stumble and might even fall…but I will never be who I used to be, because I have truly learned how to live.

When I realized that everyone in my sphere is not a part of my journey; it is only then that I can truly: Be the change. Be the Light. Be the Platform to Life. ~jess

#knowwhoyoufollow #God #Jesus #ChristianWoman #God #blog #Kingdombusiness #TP2L #agendasetting #followyourspirit #heart #focus #love #BeExcellent #BeEncouraged #BeTransformed #BeYou #Yeshua  #YeWeh #blessings #blessed #girls #important #heart #followyourheart #FollowYourSpirit

 

Perpetual state of GRATITUDE

Because it is not physically possible to say it enough – Thank YOU.

I have said it once and I will say it again – “self-reflection is the best reflection.”

There were many people in my life that either ensnared a trap or embraced me, just as I am: so to you, I say “thank you.”

I was not wise enough to choose better, even when I knew better: so to me, I say, “thank you.”

Because I was broken, angry, and lost…I could not be better or do better because chaos was my normal: so to situations, I say, “thank you.”

Hurt; made me hurt, with a vengeance. Not only was hurt deposited in my life but the lives of those that I truly love: so to us, I say, “I am sorry.”

Fear; made me tip toe on thin ice because falling through was not an option and staying above water was a chore: so to fear, I say, “thank you.”

Each day…I wake up in a perpetual state of gratitude because I am not who I was – but I am on the road, to be who I am destined to be.  

Some days are better than others: I struggle with self-acceptance and self-love. Often, I struggle with regret…but when I look at where I came from, spiritually, I say Thank  YOU…for being patient with me. Being patient for me. Being patient because of me. 

When I look at the lives of others, my problems, past, and issues are minuscule in comparison. 

When hurt starts to surface, I am reminded to “radically love those who have hurt me, physically and/or emotionally; whether it be family, friend, or foe. The YHWH in me, allows me to release what my heart tries to hold and process as hurt.” I have learned that I, personally, cannot heal from the outside -  inward; I have to permanently heal from the inside – outward. 

So to life, here I am. You have allowed me to experience all that has been thrown at me; now I can stand, eyes up – palms up – with a new heart – a new purpose – in a new world  and shout THANK YOU…because I simply cannot say it enough!

I am grateful for all that were and/or are a part of my life. Every relationship has imparted some type of wisdom into my spirit; either on how to be better or simply, what not to be. I love those that are for me…just as I love those that are against me. Remember, you hold the power to be "happy." “Be the Change. Be the Light. Be the Platform to Life.” ~jess  

 

INSECURITIES

   “Insecurities will choke the life from a relationship, any relationship.” This statement is so profound to me, that I used it as an opening statement. Insecurity is defined as an inner feeling of unease when we see ourselves as vulnerable, inferior, or threatened in some way. 

     I remember at the very beginning of my relationship with my husband, over two decades ago, I was very insecure. Why me? What was it about me that attracted him to me? How could he love me? Why did he love me? Why is he here? Why not her? Did I ask, why me? Typing those questions wore me out, so I can only imagine how he felt; nevertheless, I was a very young girl, with no clue on how a healthy relationship should look. I did what most women do, I winged it – at my expense. Let me just say, it was a hefty price because it almost cost me my family. 

     Everyone is a product of their environment. The good. The bad. The ugly. The unseen. The seen. The decisions that we make early on in life, will affect the future in a constructive or destructive manner. Most often, girls are damaged by a men early in life. And later in life, women cling to their childhood insecurities. The lack of, or too much of, a man’s: attention, affirmation, example,  respect, leadership, love, can and will positively or negatively cultivate her adult relationships, for life.

    Recently, I was encouraged by my husband to purchase a gift card to give to someone of the opposite sex, as a token of appreciation. A kind gesture was not perceived as such, by the man’s wife, because, as of yet, she has not met me. My initial reaction was: “honey, I have my hands full with my own plate.” Then JAH revealed to me – that everyone is not as confident in their relationships or marriage, as you are in yours. Then, He quickly reminded me that I was not always secure and that sometimes, I still struggle. Something happened to cause the guy’s wife to react in that manner. Maybe it was something that transpired during the course of their relationship or from her childhood. Or maybe it was something that she saw her mom, sister, or friend walk through and she vowed never to allow it to happen to her. Whatever the case, she blocked a blessing –  a heartfelt blessing.

     I always encourage my husband to do nice things for his work counterpart, who happens to be of the opposite sex. She looks out for my husband, in his dangerous line of work, and for that I am very appreciative. Before scheduling his extensive travel, which requires him to be away for weeks at a time, she is cognizant of the family that is attached to him and for that I am grateful. So in our moment of  “how can we bless someone’s life,”  I always encourage him to do something nice for her.  Does that mean he wants her or she wants him? Absolutely not. It means that we take care of the people that JAH has purposely placed in our lives. It means that in a small act of kindness, someone knows they matter, in life.  

     Most people do not know how to receive a kind gesture from someone of the opposite sex. It cannot be reciprocated as, he or she is just a kindhearted person. Surely, it has to mean that someone is coming on to them, or trying to take them home, or they want them. A woman cannot pay a man a compliment without it being perceived as “flirty.” A man cannot pay a woman a compliment without being perceived as “thirsty.” Being insecure is so draining. It drains the very essence of life. It creates a restless and reckless environment. It is often mistaken for love but in fact, they are polar opposites, archenemies, if you will. There is no difference in being involved with an insecure man or woman because without confidence of having someone’s whole heart, along with their mind, body, and soul – you will lose to chaos each time.

     I cannot keep women from finding my husband attractive (heck he is easy on the eyes); however, I can be everything that he needs me to be with JAH’s help. He knows the importance of home. He knows the importance of his faithfulness and obedience, not only to me but to JAH. And that is the very thing that I am aware of – how important JAH is to me – as well as my husband’s importance in my life. Conversation rules the nations, and there is a testimony in everyone. If I get caught up on someone’s gender, I can miss the whole point behind why JAH placed them in my life. As with anything, there are boundaries and respect. This is what works for my husband and I; it may not be conducive to everyone’s relationship. We rely on JAH. We trust JAH. We live for JAH.

     In my closing paragraph, I must say, this world is sad. The world is sad because the people are sad. If you think everyone that says hi or pays a compliment is trying to marry you, or take your significant other, please get over yourself. Receive the compliment and pay it forward to the next person because if you have not noticed,  we are in need of kindness in this world. If you are so caught up in your significant other talking to someone of the opposite sex, then your life HAS to be miserable because you are wasting time on keeping an adult under lock and key. If you must keep him or her under lock and key, then why would someone else of caliber (quality) want your headache, that clearly needs to be babysat?   If you say: “I love you” and follow it up with “but I do not trust you,” then your chaotic storm is brewing into an unhealthy phenomenon. If your insecurities are choking the very life from your marriage, or any of your relationships, then I suggest you check those feelings at the door and remember that “if you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got;” then do the following: Be the change. Be the Light. Be the Platform to life. ~jess

#knowwhoyoufollow #God #Jesus #ChristianWoman #God #blog #Kingdombusiness #TP2L #agendasetting #followyourspirit #heart #focus #love #BeExcellent #BeEncouraged #BeTransformed #BeYou #Yeshua  #YeWeh #blessings #blessed #girls #important #heart #followyourheart #FollowYourSpirit