In my moment of self-reflection, I can tell you what happened to me, I failed. I failed at everything including, career, family, self, and most importantly the spiritual connectedness. Everything I poured into, merely spilled out. Everything I touched, crumbled. Everything I thought to be satisfactory, turned out to be fragmented and hollow. Surely, this could not have been the plan for my life.
I had absolutely no sacred place to go. I had given up everything that I’d worked so hard to attain. I had taken pride in life’s accomplishments; the life that I had built brick, by brick, by brick. Why was it so easy to give it up, to walk away from it? Could it have been that I was chasing “life’s happiness?” Could it have been that I was yearning for a life of freedom with the lack of responsibility, or complexity?
Life was destined to happen to me, even when I felt as though I was in control. Course-plotting the topography of life was not my area of expertise. I had no idea how obtuse people were to the needs of others. I had no clue that life’s obstacles were set before me to contour and frame me; giving me the edge that I needed to be an excellent daughter to the King, an excellent wife to my husband, an excellent mother to my child, and an excellent, productive, spiritual, contributing member to society. Life was happening to me, at a fast pace, and on a bumpy terrain, simply, because I failed to be obedient; failed to do the right thing all the time, even when no one was looking. I failed to be disciplined; but most importantly, I failed to be honest and transparent about my emotions.
My life as a wife has not always been proper or even in order. As a matter of fact, I did not even know how to be a good wife. I knew how to just be; not fully aware of knowing what it meant to completely submit to the headship of my husband. I did what I thought was right; or was it simply MY reality of what is/was right? I denied my husband opportunities to be intimate with me. Not only did I open the door for a possible affair, but I paved the way. You see, as a young wife, I always made excuses of why it was not a good time ranging from: I have to take care of the kid; I am tired; or blatantly, I don’t feel like it, so please find someone that is interested. When it happened, whose fault was it or whose fault will it be? Mine? His? God’s?
I am a big enough woman to say, "it is no one’s fault", simply, because we are all wired the same way; that longing to be wanted and loved. I made a mistake and I own/owned it. Yes, we all know what is right, and we are aware of our moral responsibilities to our mates. In all honesty, how often do we ALWAYS do what is right? It is funny how we can stand firm in decisions, only when we are not faced with life changing situations. Case and point, I remember saying in my younger years, “If I caught my husband cheating on me, our relationship would be over.” Oh wait, this is my favorite line, “I haven’t given you a reason to cheat, so if that’s what you want to do, then that’s where you should stay.” I know what some of you are thinking, oh, “She can’t possibly be that ill-advised. Why would she stay in an unhealthy relationship?” Listen, and hear me when you read this: if I did not know how to be a good wife, how can I expect him to be a good husband? If I say, “please go elsewhere for your satisfaction” in one breath, and “I love you” in the next, why would he believe one and not the other? If I’m a worldly woman operating out of the flesh and he is a worldly man doing the same, then we ALL know that the flesh wins 99.99% of the time, especially, where there is no spiritual or self-discipline, so we must expect a worldly outcome. Why, is it okay to place an expectation upon him, that I don’t have upon me? Why should I hold him accountable for his actions but yet I hide so vulnerably behind mine?
Life has a way of teaching us very valuable lessons. Thus far, I’ve learned we have power to speak life or death in our marriages, finances, future, and family. I have learned we all make mistakes; they are a part of growing pains. I have learned when we have a spiritual connectedness, there are different expectations and anticipations placed upon relationships. I have learned sometimes, it is best to hit rock bottom to appreciate the good things. I have learned sometimes tearing down the structural walls and demolishing the foundations of relationships, are two of the best ways to rebuild. I have learned even if life does hand me lemons, there are still some key ingredients that are missing, (check out my other blog) in order to make lemonade. I have learned through it all, God controls the ending, both, in this life and the next.
If you have not learned to be a Kindom wife, then you should not expect a Kingdom husband, or vice versa. If you have not learned to be a good wife, then you should not expect a good husband. The key to a successful worldly marriage is very simple; it is fairness. Even, if you are not in love be fair and you will go far. The keys to a successful Kingdom marriage are as follows: God, communication, and finally expectation.
If you have yet to learn how to be transparent with yourself or take accountability for your decisions, then you are deceiving those in your sphere of influence. If you are a speaking negative jargon into current situations, then you have to be willing to accept the undesirable outcome. Here is my challenge to you; declare life with every breath that you take. If you have not learned to embrace the obstacles set before you, or use them as stepping stones, to build and inspire others, then you are truly missing out on what life has to offer. Remember, check your life’s temperature and do the following: Be the change. Be the light. Be the platform to life. #TP2L ~jess
I just had to pick my mouth up off of the floor...
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